edging closer


It’s so strange that the people I’m most comfortable with also make me feel like they’re going to go away from me at any given moment. They make time feel like a vortex that they like to edge closer and closer to just to keep me on my toes, no, to keep my heart pounding in my mouth. It’s an existential game. “How Long Will It Be Until She Stops Dreading?”


After (H)ours


After the panic


the madness, our madness

hold me tight

Hold tight


choke it out of me

strangle the fear right out of me

After hours

lines of blue blur around my neck

After ours

the room goes from small to smaller to fade to black.

Fall through



is that soft suggestive breeze

that utters itself

through the mouth

of a friend

who means no harm

Mind the gap between his

two front teeth

as I lean in to kiss him

out of habit.

A force stronger than

the tickle of a breeze

“The kiss, it’s only in your head, “

whispers the wind,

“Memory is just as suggestive, no?”


Memory trickles down into my skin,

embeds in my nerves,

gets to every tip and follicle

Mind the gap

between his presence and his memory

As you lean in to kiss him,

the fog engulfs and

you fall right through.

Black and mould.



If I had to see you again

I wouldn’t, simply out of fear.


Would we still have it?

That soft fluid burning on a thread

between us

each end tied to the pit of our stomachs.


And what if it isn’t there anymore?

I would perish all over again, I would mourn,

I would turn to black and mould.

And then there would be the other questions.


Did it take a marriage to forget me or just an afternoon?

Did you have to exorcise my memory and feed them

to your demons?

And where do you keep the carcass?


Mine sleeps beside me, snuggled,

as you did,

almost every night.